Chapter 71

The next morning Katie made her way back to the porch swing, coffee in hand. Abby had left a note by the coffee maker stating that she was out running errands and would be back before Katie left. The swing creaked as Katie's foot pushed on the wooden floor, back and forth, back and forth. She looked out over the paddocks, her thoughts wandering. The screen door slammed as Jim came out to the porch, his boots in hand. He sat down, across from Katie, to lace up his boots.

"Morning, Katherine." He said, looking at her tentatively.

"Morning, dad." she responded, a slight smile on her face. That morning she had much more on her mind than trying to avoid him.

He laced up his boots, looking up at her, thoughtful. He had done a lot of thinking since his talk with Jon at the hospital all those months ago. He knew how much he had missed out on, and really didn't want to miss out on any more. Now how to go about breaking down the walls she had erected to keep him out...

"Katherine, can we talk for a little while?" He asked, expecting her to come up with some important task she simply couldn't put off in order to avoid talking to him. Over the years she had gotten very good at avoiding alone time with him.

His voice drawing her out of her day-dreamy state, she looked at him. She really had no desire to avoid him at the moment. Maybe everything that had happened with Jon was changing her view point. Whatever it was, she decided to listen. "Sure." she said, trying to keep an open mind.

He knotted the last boot and leaned back into the chair, letting out a slow breath. "This isn't easy for me, Katherine, so please hear me out. I have a few things to say and hope you will let me say my piece." He hesitated, looking at her. She responded with a slow nod, so he continued. "Your man, Jon. He is a good man. I can see you really love him."

Katie responded with another nod. "I do. Very much."

Jim nodded, pushing forward, "I am happy for you, Katherine. I hope you know that." He took another deep breath, looking toward the barn, perhaps searching for the rest of his words. He leaned forward, his arms rested on his legs, "I want to see you happy. I know I have been the cause of much unhappiness in your life. " His eyes met Katie's. "If I could take back all the pain and hurt I have caused, I would. I have buried it for years, thinking it was enough that I was sober. I thought that was enough. I used to tell myself that since I was sober, I did my part. That there was nothing I could do to make things better. I now realize that wasn't right. Not for you. And I am so sorry."

He looked down at the wooden planks of the porch floor. "I am not good with words, so bear with me." He looked back to Katie, she could see the tears welling up in his eyes. "Katherine, all I can say is everything is my fault. All those years I hurt my wife and children so badly, only thinking of myself. Letting a demon lure me away from the most important thing in the world. I thought since your mom and Jason forgave me, that it was up to you to do the same. I know I was lucky that they gave me another chance. I know I need to work harder for your forgiveness. And I know I may never have it. I won't go on about my hurt because that isn't what matters right now. What matters is all the pain I have caused you and cheating you out of the father you needed. I want to say that I am so sorry for all of it. I can't take it all back. I would give my life if I could." He paused, openly crying.

He took a tissue out of his pocket to blow his nose, then went on. "If you are willing to let me, I would like to try and make some of it up to you. I know I can't make it disappear. But if you would let me try, I'd like to make the future better between us. I know it is up to me, not you. All I ask is that you give me the chance. You and the kids mean the world to me, Katherine. Please give me the chance."

Katie felt the wall crumble just a bit as she listened to the raw pain in his voice. She was so tired of carrying around the anger. It could be exhausting. Maybe things could get better. "Dad, thank you for saying this. I have needed that apology from you, without you thinking of yourself first." She took a sip of coffee, feeling her own eyes sting with tears. "I can't promise that I can just forget everything, or forgive as if nothing happened. But I will try if you will."

Jim smiled through his tears, his heart swelled with happiness. "Thank you, Katherine. I have wanted to hear those words for years. I can promise that I will try my best to make it up to you until I the day I die. " He stood up, feeling awkward. "Well, I guess I better get to work." he said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"I can give you a hand, if you want." Katie offered

Jim looked at her, nodding slowly, "Sure. That would be good. I could use a hand. See you in the barn?"

"Let me change and grab a quick bite. I will be right out." She said, feeling her heart a bit lighter.

Jim smiled to himself as Katie went into the house, the screen door slamming behind, just like when she was kid. She never took the time to close it quietly, constantly driving Abby nuts. He walked slowly to the barn, his head held higher that day.

Katie joined him in the barn where they fed the horses in the paddock, then mucked out the stalls. They talked about many things, mostly small talk. But Jim realized it as the first time he could remember them talking for any length of time about anything. He was thankful for the time with her, watching her face light up with happiness when she talked about Jon. He made a mental note to do a little research on Jon and the band. Being so absent from her youth, he didn't realize what a big influence the band and Jon had on her back then, or throughout her life. He would ask Abby to help him later. Just as they were filling the water trough, Abby drove up, honking when she saw them both outside. She smiled, knowing something was different between them. A good different.

After a late lunch and quick shower, Katie gave her mom a warm hug goodbye. Abby stroked her hair, smiling, "Maybe your dad and I will fly up for a visit this summer. What do you think?"

Katie nodded, "'I'd love that, mom. The kids would love to see you guys." A thought popped into her head, "If you and dad wanted, the kids could come down here for a week or so this summer. Maybe they could fly back with you."

Not sure what got into her, Abby silently rejoiced. It would be the first time she had ever let the kids come for a visit on their own. "We would love that, Katherine. Yes. That sounds wonderful." She gave Katie another hug.

"Ok, we will be touch in a week or so. School lets out in about four weeks." Katie returned her hug, "Thank you for everything, Love you!" She said as her dad pulled the car up to the house to take her to the airport.

Abby waved as Katie got in the front seat, "Call when you get in!" Katie nodded, waving back. "Will do!"

Back in Massachusetts Katie dove into work, along with the kids' activities. Jon and the band made their way around the southeastern part of the country, playing sold out show after sold out show. Katie and Becca both worked longs hours fitting in as much as they could since the studio would be closed the following week. Becca was joining David for a few days away, then would return with him to New York for the opening of his play on Broadway that weekend. Jon was due back as well to spend a few days with Katie at the penthouse toward the end of the week. Even though the band was off, Jon was performing at two charity functions early in the week.

Friday afternoon Katie closed up the studio after her last session, and went back to the carriage house to pack. She was taking an evening flight to New York. After landing, she caught a taxi, giving the driver the address to Jon's penthouse, the key in her pocket, promising to open up a week of rest and relaxation. The doorman greeted her, "Welcome, Ms. McKenzie." She thanked him as she entered the lobby, taking the elevator up to the top floor. She figured she would unpack then order takeout for a late dinner. When she opened the door to the penthouse she heard music playing softly in the background, the room bathed in soft light.

"Hello!" She called out, not expecting to hear a response. Hearing nothing, she wheeled in her suitcase. After depositing her camera bag and suitcase in Jon's room, she decided to relax before deciding on dinner. Making her way to the living room she found a bottle of wine chilling on the bar along with a note. She smiled, realizing Jon must have had Christoph arrange a warm welcome for her. Unfolding the paper, she read, Dear Ms. McKenzie, welcome to New York. Make yourself at home. There are groceries in the kitchen. Don't hesitate to contact me should you need anything. Enjoy your stay. Christoph. He included his cell phone number. She uncorked the wine, pouring it into the glass that sat next to the ice bucket. She then walked over to the sofa, sat down with her wine, and took in the cityscape. She watched the twinkling lights, feeling all the stress of the week slowly leave her body. The only thing that would make it more perfect was if Jon was sitting next to her. Even though she missed him and had not seen him in a week, she realized how important these few days to herself were going to be. She silently thanked Jon for seeing what she needed, even when she didn't. After a while her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she had not eaten since lunch. She went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Some groceries was an understatement, she thought, taking in the array of food stocked in the fridge. Finally settling on some fruit and cheese, she grabbed a plate from the cabinet. Arranging her large snack, she then made her way back to the sofa. After eating she lay back on the sofa, her wine left on the cocktail table. Closing her eyes, just for a moment, she told herself, she listened to the soft music. Frank crooned to her, lulling her to sleep.

She woke up hours later, the music quiet. The city, though lights still twinkled, slept. Not bothering to put the dishes in the sink, she made her way to Jon's bedroom where she undressed and slipped between the cool sheets. A slight smile formed on her lips as she let out a sigh and fell into a deep slumber, sleeping more soundly than she had in months.

Chapter 72